February is Fun Season 2

Amidst Pyramids in a Jeep from Egypt

“A creepy tale with a humorous tone”, as reviewed by the Antarctic Trumpet. “A humorous tale with a creepy tone”, as reviewed by the South Pole Times.

Impressed with my ability to simplify complex stuff, I fell asleep. In a deep sleep. And dreamt a dream within my already ongoing dream. In this dream, I was a mummy. Yes, I was a mummy, a real one.

Being a mummy is easier than it seems. You go around the town scaring a few people. In the night, you scare them up a little more. And the next day, you read the speculative headlines stating that the ancient mummies are back. The only downside is that you will have to be bandaged all the time. You wake up bandaged.

You go to sleep bandaged. You eat through bandages and do its function inverse through bandages. Once in a while, you get a job. From the Grand Mummy. Like, scare a person to death. Or, scare someone enough to make them believe that they will have to steal a trillion dollars from the bank they work in.

This last job is rarely allotted to any junior mummy. I was one. But still, I was given that duty.

To allure a banker into stealing from his own bank. I must have been on the good books of the Grand Mummy! One fine day, I saw a fine banker crossing over a creaky bridge across a sneaky river in a Jeep. I understood that this would the best opportunity for me. I can easily scare his driver to death and then allure the banker, who seemed to be sleeping into stealing.

I removed the drapes covering my arms. I replaced the corpse of the scared driver after pulling off a macabre prank on him and ascended to the driving seat of both the jeep and the situation. I found that the banker was waking up after some time. As soon as he spotted me, I started removing the bandages covering my face. With my face half exposed, I got a glimpse of my own face in the rearview mirror. I was shocked! I had no face! I never knew that! I had grown up with a bandage across my face. This was the first time I was removing them. I wasn’t prepared for such a sight. I lost control over the wheel, hit the car on a roadside rock, and was knocked out cold. There was a flash of light and then Bang! I guess the banker too felt the same. But he was more fragile than I was. Hence, he was still cold, although I had brushed myself up off the rampage.

Within a few hours of him regaining consciousness, I had implanted into his mind the idea of stealing a trillion dollars. Allowing him half of it, seemed to have done the trick. I followed him off to the airport, before giving him the assurance that should he failed to steal, he would subsequently fail to breathe too.

Now his flight has taken off. I was finishing the half-finished pizza which was in its incompletely ingested state because I had to leave it at that exact state, which in turn was due to the dropping of the glass back in our headquarters of Sahara, where I had implanted this whole stealing idea into his head. As I swallowed the last piece of pizza, I received a message on my phone. It was from a Medical Student. It seemed, that this guy, whoever he was, knew the banker pretty well. He messaged me about the high probability that the banker would jump from the flight, or try to hijack it and crash it. How he knew this, I knew not. But I knew that if the flight crashes or the banker dies, I will have to restart my mummy business all over. I flew off the ground and kept on flying till I spotted the flight cruising merrily. I took a seat on its left-wing and saw that the banker was safe inside.

Feeling happy, I flew back to the headquarters. I decided that I’ll fly back to the destination the next morning to check out whether the banker steals properly or not.

I suddenly woke up. What a strange dream. Not that I remember it entirely, but it must have been about a mummy! It was morning already. Today is the ‘when’ I would steal. I dressed up and left the hotel room. It felt as if a shady figure was following me. I turned back and saw that at a long distance behind, was a bandaged person. Walking fast. Gaining more speed by the second. Closing in every millisecond.

The bank was in my sight. I could have breached security and entered according to the original plan. But, I had a better plan. I showed my ID at the gate. I walked in legally. I sat at my desk. I started typing. Weird Codes. That will disrupt the entire system. This will result in the transfer of every asset possessed by the bank to an anonymous account. As I typed, I felt the chaos rising. People around me started facing bugs in their system. Every normal transfer seemed to get halted. Every withdrawal started getting registered as a money deposit. The bank assets were multiplying quickly. The true assets remained the same, but the imaginary assets flooded the systems. The bugs exponentiated. I was surprised at my skills to code. I had never taken any formal courses in coding or programming. But there I was, manipulating databases like an expert.

All this seemed so wondrous to me, that I fell asleep in the excitement. Not a usual thing to do, I know. But, I am known for doing unusual things. I was sure, I will start dreaming. And I did.

I was up this time as a Medical Student. I don’t know from which University was I pursuing my degree, but I was surely under a lot of pressure. I thought of paying a visit to Egypt, and immersing myself with the Egyptian mysteries and maybe mummies if I was lucky.

As soon as I landed in Cairo, I got a call from a driver. He was ready to transfer me to the hotel from the airport. I must appreciate the sincerity of this man. Quite punctual he was. On the way to the hotel, he took my phone number as he was impressed by the noble profession I had chosen! Today, a few minutes ago, I got a call from him. He reported that a mummy had apparently scared him off his Jeep near a creaky bridge across a sneaky river. He wondered whether he was dead. I replied with negation. Being a medical student, it was my duty to classify the talking humans as non-dead, aka alive! He said that then he must be dreaming. To this, I could not negate so easily. Seeing a mummy in broad daylight can indeed be the sign of a weird dream. I asked him to come to my hotel room. He said that he was Jeepless on a Carless road. I assured him that I was coming. Thus, I hired another Jeep in a mission to rescue the driver. But, almost at our destination, I saw him walking back towards our Jeep.

He waved his arms wildly and we stopped.

He reported the entire incident. He said that the mummy had abducted the banker. It rarely happened, but mummies were known to abduct overseas bankers and make them steal from their own bank. I knew that was impossible. He seemed to know, on the contrary, that it was quite possible. I didn’t argue anymore and instead said that I will find out where the Jeep went? The driver appreciated this and said that he is willing to drive. Thus my present driver stepped off and the old driver, the one one who believed in mummy and the one who had taken my number earlier and had called me up to pick him up from this specific location, which he referred to as the creaky bridge across the sneaky river, ascended the driver’s seat. He said that the scenery hence was miraculous, but I was not ready for scenery, I was really sleepy.

The driver, however, kept on explaining to me how the Mummies usually persuade bankers to steal and send them to their home countries on a flight that usually gets delayed.

Appreciating the lullaby of his weird explanations, I sent a message to the old driver’s cell phone stating that the banker might try to jump from a flight or try to crash it, should he be sent to his own country to steal from his own bank, for I was too sleepy to speak and asleep I fell right after that.

As I fell asleep, I drifted into a dream. A dream in which I was a banker.

I was not just a banker, I was a banker who was sitting on his chair, at his desk in a bank seethed with turmoil. It seemed as if, the whole bank has gone crazy. There were funds being transferred to an anonymous account and withdrawals being registered as money deposits. And it seemed to me as I was the one who was doing all this. On my screen, were lines and lines of codes. On my side was a draped figure. Wait, what? Yep, it was a mummy. A weird headless mummy. Right by my side. “The plan is going pretty well I see.” Your sight is flawless, I thought. “I have a deal, transfer the half to that account as was the plan, and transfer the other half to mine and I will let you escape with your life.” This seemed weird to me. It was as if the mummy was changing an already existing plan. I could not remember anything. All I knew was that a few seconds ago I was a medical student and now I was a banker. But this time, I was aware that I was dreaming. “I see, you just realized that this is a dream!” How did you know? I did not ask. “I know because I too am a dream of yours. An ambitious dream. A dream that wants to see a richer you in the future.

And hence I am motivating you to get richer.” Everything was getting mixed up. The mummy, the bank, the codes. I no longer knew what was going on. Too many dreams, I must have had, was my only explanation. The mummy was slowly growing ahead, which looked more like the driver. I could hear the honks. I could appreciate that I was in a moving car, maybe a Jeep. I finally woke up. I was on my bed. Not in Egypt. Not in a bank. Not in a Jeep. I was indeed back at my home. Everything was so peaceful. I saw my glistening medical books lying peacefully upon the bookshelves. It was quite sunny outside. I felt like taking a walk.

After walking for a few minutes, I walked into a McDonald’s. I ate a hearty meal. The only sad part was that I had to pay in cash because their credit card reader was not working. This thinned my wallet appreciably. Hence, I walked into a nearby ATM.

I put in the sum I wanted to withdraw. “Your Deposit is Successful”, read the message across the ATM screen.

The End.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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