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It was cold outside. Almost every story I tell, begins with a similar line. It is always cold outside. I was shivering. My sweater which sat two metres away from the fireplace was also shivering. Someone was inside it.
I was trying to keep my mind off the falling mercury level. We still used those oldschool temperature measuring devices. The modern digital ones weren’t discovered yet. The year was 1754. The world was yet to be modernized.
“What’s today’s date?”, Someone said. “Jesus Christ, you are Someone, ain’t you?”, I replied rhetorically. Someone took it as a complement and said, “That’s right, these kinda things are right inside my forte. Lemme see…” and he started to see. He saw here, he saw there, he sawed the table into two pieces, he saw the sea, then the see-saw and finally when he was done seeing everywhere, he took a drink from the bottle labeled ‘Vitamin Sea for Sea Men (pun intended)’ and settled down with resolution beaming from his indescribable grin.
“Today is the 30th of February, 1754! Huh, I am Someone after all, ain’t I No One?” I wasn’t No One, I was Aaeerkdp, wait, I mean, I am Aaeerkdp, at least that’s what it feels like given that I am still breathing quite regularly as I type this into my iPad Pro sitting atop an Antarctic Palm Tree, but that’s too much information upfront. I think I’m not doing a good job introducing the characters to the readers here. So, I’ll take a minute off and will pick up right from Someone’s last dialogue, written in the first line of last paragraph, as of now (this one, that is (in Yoda’s voice)).
So, you see, I’m No One. Don’t call me Noon or Noonay or Nun. I’m No One. I was someone back in the days, so you shouldn’t think I am no one. My name’s Aaeerkdp and my friends called me No One. Someone was my friend. Someone did his PhD in Pizza Hot Delivery from the Graveyard University. He then embarked upon a Grand Voyage to reach Antarctica where he became a fisherman. He was a man who caught fish and at times, surveyed the World around him and arrived at the most illogical date possible, which he asserted to be the date for today (or todate, as he called it at times).