Season 2

Leaving Earth One Last Time

A jaw-dropping account of the Antarctic Astronaut Dr Ashtray Knight that changed the human history forever.

123 minutes into the mission Knight was finally prepping up his craft for the mayhem. He preheated the laser, put on his AirPods Pro Max S Plus and hit shuffle on his favorite Pottyfy playlist.

Knight knew his last moments had come. The mission objective wasn’t to vaporize the moon with lasers. Neither was it to hit it with an atom bomb. This mission was kamikaze. Knight was on the atom bomb. It was his duty to crash into the moon. The laser was simply to ensure he doesn’t miss the moon and shoot for the stars (it almost felt like a clear night in June).

Mile by mile he approached the moon. The grey dusty satellite, the one that inspired so many grand tales on Earth, the one that showed the way home for way too many vagabonds was the one to be annihilated tonight (or day, whatever).

Aliens from Andromeda, Pin worms from Uranus, Martians from Tesla Gigafactory all fixated their eyes on the television screen. Never before had a human undertaken the oath to cause destruction on such a massive scale. Yet today, it was all supposed to change.

Funded by a drug lord, envisioned by a madman and driven by a drug-addicted madman (Knight was lowkey crazy and he did LSD on weekends), humanity progressed to destroy the largest natural satellite of its homeplanet. And then there was a tug. A tiny little tug.

The rocket started to slow down. First slowly, then quickly, then it stopped, then it started to fall back, first slowly, then quickly. Earth’s gravity was now steering the rocket straight back towards the planet.

That tug was from a nanofiber rope which was attached to the rocket before the launch and apparently wasn’t disconnected. It destroyed the momentum of the rocket and gravity took the upper hand and started to pull it back. The sudden jerk also messed up the engine and there was nothing Knight could do to prevent it from falling.

That rocket was a bomb, as you might recall. A bomb that was big enough to annihilate moon. If it fell on Earth, well I hope you can guess what could happen. Here’s a hint, nothing pleasant except that the Tsar Bomba would appear to be a simple Diwali celebration in comparison, which, though not entirely pleasant apparently does have some aesthetic appeal to it.

What happened next is not known for sure. Sadly, humanity couldn’t survive to record the history. The man who left Earth for one last time, fell back one last time and killed the entire humanity the first and the last time.

Arkadeep Mukhopadhyay

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